Life right now

Things right now are okay.  Okay not really the kind of suck, but I am trying to make them better. People keep telling me to keep a positive attitude and I really am trying, but things suck right now.  I feel crazy, I think I am driving Ben crazy, and I just want to be okay.  I hate fear, I really hate it.  I have been a worrier my entire life, I remember when I was a kid I was always worried about hurting someone's feelings or making my parents feel bad.  But now fear has crept in with the worry and top that off with a side of prednisone and you just feel nuts.  Ben yells at me whenever I say I am crazy, but I really do feel that way.  Don't worry for anyone who might read this, I am not psycho nuts I am just having a hard time.  I want to be okay, but like Ben says my definition of okay is going to change and I don't like that.  I don't like any of it.  I know it is all in God's plan for me and He does have a plan for me, but I still kind of wish He would of sat down with me and shown me the outline.