Just more thoughts and feelings

Sometimes things happen to people, who aren't bad people, they are just people. They are trying to get along the best they can, and they don't do everything right. Sometimes they say shit to often in a day, refer to teenagers as little bastards, dislike the relief society or enjoy movies with killing and violence, but they do love people and there isn't anything they wouldn't do to help. They try to bring comfort to every person in their life, they are a friend and a companion, and not a bad person at all. They are trying the best they can to get along, and then they get knocked down. I can't imagine that the Lord is picking on a person, just showing them strength they didn't know they had. It is too bad He couldn't just send a note. But then again who learns things from notes. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier. A new quote has recently come in to my life and it is probably one of the best ones that I have ever heard, "When you can't walk anymore you crawl, and when you can't crawl anymore you let somebody carry you." Does that mean you give up? Gosh I hope not, it just means you do that thing that you have never been very good at, you ask for help. The Lord's help, the help of a friend, or a loved one, somebody to do something to help you forget or ease your pain or give you a hug when you need it, someone to tell you that it is going to be okay even if it is not going to be okay in the way that you want it to. Because maybe you are scared, and maybe you are afraid, maybe you are thinking about the future and a time when it will hurt to wiggle your toes, or when people will make fun of you for running. I don't want to be able to not wiggle my toes. It all puts living in the now in to great perspective and enjoying every moment when you can walk, and ride a bike, jump on your husband or wrestle with your sisters. I know that it makes us all stronger in the end, and I know it can make you a better person but that still doesn't make it easy.

Not that there are any readers, but if so please don't respond and just let me vent

Why is it and who are we supposed to serve? I just read a friends blog and it made me think about service and issues that I have with the whole idea of it. Service is a good thing, I honestly believe that part of the reason we are come to earth is to serve and do for others. It is a good thing, as Martin Luther said, good men do good works. Service is a good work. It brings us closer to Heavenly Father and makes us less self-centered and less self involved. We become better people by providing services to others and we can grow immensely from it.

When does it become a problem? Now this is an issue I am having in my own life, and maybe I am totally off base or just being stupid but this is how I feel. It becomes a problem when you are forced to serve. Service should be voluntarily and come from the heart. Where is the love going to be if I just called some person, that I don't even know, because some lady came to my house and told me it was my responsibility and I needed to make it my priority to visit people that she assigned to me. People are not assignments and how can I properly serve somebody when I am made to feel like they are just assignments. Just as I am an assignment to some other person. "I don't really care about you, but I have to ask because I need to get my assignment done." Yes, but it needs to be my priority and I can just put my husband, my job, and my school aside. Ben is more important to me than any of those things, but those other things are part of my life and they take precedence over any person who is assigned to me. Maybe it is a bad attitude, but if I am going to serve and truly help somebody it is going to be from my heart and because I really want to.